Radiotherapy for dog - advice please

Hello Scallywag and everyone on this thread,

Repeated apologies for disappearing. I relied on my memory to get me back on the forum when things had develped further for Lucy and me, but it failed me, and Google, for some reason, threw up several different forums, but never this one. consequently I ended up on a different forum when things got really bad for me because Lucy did not show signs of being ready to go, and yet I knew that I had to act in spite of this in time to prevent her suffering. It was beyond description dreadful, but many of you will know about that all too well.

Briefly then, Lucy was originally not expected to survive very long after diagnosis in June 2014, but she did survive for 15 months until 11th September 2015  Lucy had her course of radiotherapy as planned, and her tumour reduced greatly in size. There were no side effects except that the fur at the site came out and eventually grew back again white. We then started chemotherapy with cyclophosphamide, without any side effects, and the tumour reduced further for a while. Lucy was still coughing, but she was otherwise as full of beans as usual, and we had a lovely long holiday at one of my favourite caravan sites on the North Wales coast with many trips to Anglesey beaches, walks, games, swims, ice-cream and many other treats for Lucy, and she was so happy and lively that I dared to hope that she would be cured altogether, although I had been told this was unlikely. She had a wonderful Christmas visiting family, tearing after a frisbee that 8 of us were playing with and intercepting every long throw, and enjoying fusses from everyone. Then in spring we went to our favourite Scottish beach caravan site, and again she had a great time and was very well, except for 'huffing' and coughing, which didn't seem to cause her any distress, thoug it was different for me. Then the tumour seemed to be getting bigger again, and a different drug was tried and unfortunately this did make her ill, and she was hospitalised for 2 days. I refused to continue with this, and so palladia was tried as a last resort, but to no avail. An X-ray showed that Lucy by now had secondaries in both her lungs, all treatment was discontinued on her oncologist's advice and that is when the really bad time started for me. Lucy remained apparently happy, quite energetic and well, except that the submandibular tumour, as it grew ever larger, made it increasingly difficult for her to swallow. But she was hungry and eager for every meal, so it was a question of mushing her food and feeding her manually, while, distressingly, it was getting harder for her to swallow more than a very small amount at a time. It was then that I was posting desperately on another forum (having lost this one) 'She isn't telling me it's time', because Lucy was still enjoying life, but I knew that I would have to make a terrible decision in spite of that, before her throat closed up altogether. I had never had to make a decision like that about a dog that still had an otherwise good quality of life, and it was sheer hell. I don't know where I got the courage to send for the vet on thatterrible day, and, as she couldn't come until evening, we had a day of 'last things' - last walk, last retrieving game, last ice-cream, and then, worst of all, Lucy greeted to vet happily, tail wagging overtime, and brought her favourite toy out for a game, until she obediently went into her bed at my command and broke my heart.

I was unable to carry on with any kind of normal life after Lucy had left me, and so I went away in the caravan to where we had had such happy times, to grieve by myself. I walked on our beaches and received comfort from other doggy people who had been there and understood. But it really turned out to be a mistake, because when I returned home in early November the empty house hit me like a sledge-hammer and I was back where I started. Being usually quite sensible (!) I realised that I would have to do something about myself or call it a day, and so I began searching for a Labrador who needed a home (I am too old to start a puppy, although I would have loved to), and just before Christmas I found one - a strange one as it happened! But that is another story, and perhaps it should go on a different thread???

Love and many, many thanks to all.