A spot of Veterinary Humour for you!
May 6, 2013 23:15:59 GMT
tonib, scallywag, and 1 more like this
Post by vonnie on May 6, 2013 23:15:59 GMT
A friend posted this on facebook, thought you may be amused by it. Unfortunately most of it is true and does happen!
Dear client,
Welcome to our practice. The following are some suggestions of how to make things most pleasant for our staff.
*As you have already figured out your scheduled appointment time is
just a suggestion. Feel free to ignore it and do as you please.
*If you are not going to show up, please do not call. We like the
suspense of trying to figure out what you are going to do. Sometimes we
run bets on it. So as you can see, calling and informing us of your
intentions would just take the fun out of our day.
* Verbal
abuse is always appreciated. If possible, wait till the waiting room is
full. Please be creative in your profanity, we all like to expand our
vocabulary.
* Do not put your dog on a leash or your cat in a
carrier. Just let them loose as soon as you walk in. The staff enjoys a
little pandemonium.
*Bring as many small children as possible.
Three or more is preferred. If you don't have that many borrow from
your neighbors (look for the most poorly behaved). Make sure they all
have juice and crayons because we love to clean. Also, we encourage them
to jump on the furniture, play rough with the hospital cat, and go
through the drawers.
*Do not bring any prior records as we request. Calling other clinics gives us time to catch up with old friends.
*We're just kidding when we suggest that you bring stool or urine.
That's gross. We'll just get it off our waiting room floor after your
dog relieves him/herself everywhere
*Please feel free to stay
on your cell phone. Handless headsets are preferred because it really
makes it challenging to figure out if you are talking to us or the
person on the phone. Make sure to call back later and ask us questions
about all the things we were trying to explain.
* When giving
information about your pet be as vague as possible. The doctor is
psychic and can communicate with your pet, so its really just a
formality anyway.
* Be sure to insist we follow your breeder's
recommendations. Especially about anesthesia and vaccines. Our
schooling and training really doesn't teach us much, so we appreciate
the guidance.
*Give medications as you see fit. We just put
instruction labels on them because the label printer is cool. We
understand that when the condition doesn't resolve it is our fault not
yours.
*Don't tell us all the other vets had to muzzle your
dog till after he/she tries to bite. Keeps our reflexes sharp. Besides,
its more of a challenge to muzzle a dog once he/she is all worked up.
*If your cat is hissing and upset, please put your hands and face as
close to his/her mouth as possible. He/she would never bite you. If a
bite did occur from your own stupidity, it is our fault anyway.
*Ignore the 'employees only' signs. Just wander around as you please.
Stick your hands in all the cages. If your child is wandering around, we
prefer him/her to be barefoot.
* If your pet is sick please
wait a minimum of three days before having him/her seen. Also, be sure
to exhaust all treatments available over the counter or at the pet store
before bringing him/her in to be examined. Oh, and ten minutes before
close on a Saturday is the perfect time to call and tell us you're
coming in.
* Always complain about the bill. We know our
prices are too high. In general, we tend to be greedy and don't care
about your animal.
*Feel free to agree verbally and in writing
to all fees, especially to the expensive ones. Then, after the
diagnostics/treatments are performed, and only then, inform us that you
have no actual money, but that you can pay us $10 a week until it is
paid off.
*Please be sure to let us know of all illnesses you
THINK your pet may have because you looked it up online. Then be sure
to dictate to us how your pet should be cared for.
We look
forward to caring for your pet. If you have any suggestions about what
we can do to make life easier for you and more difficult for us, please
do not hesitate to let us know.
**In early summer we will
generously vet all your injuries (physical & mental ones) when you
bring us a young (preferably imprinted) wild bird you saved from its
parents
Dear client,
Welcome to our practice. The following are some suggestions of how to make things most pleasant for our staff.
*As you have already figured out your scheduled appointment time is
just a suggestion. Feel free to ignore it and do as you please.
*If you are not going to show up, please do not call. We like the
suspense of trying to figure out what you are going to do. Sometimes we
run bets on it. So as you can see, calling and informing us of your
intentions would just take the fun out of our day.
* Verbal
abuse is always appreciated. If possible, wait till the waiting room is
full. Please be creative in your profanity, we all like to expand our
vocabulary.
* Do not put your dog on a leash or your cat in a
carrier. Just let them loose as soon as you walk in. The staff enjoys a
little pandemonium.
*Bring as many small children as possible.
Three or more is preferred. If you don't have that many borrow from
your neighbors (look for the most poorly behaved). Make sure they all
have juice and crayons because we love to clean. Also, we encourage them
to jump on the furniture, play rough with the hospital cat, and go
through the drawers.
*Do not bring any prior records as we request. Calling other clinics gives us time to catch up with old friends.
*We're just kidding when we suggest that you bring stool or urine.
That's gross. We'll just get it off our waiting room floor after your
dog relieves him/herself everywhere
*Please feel free to stay
on your cell phone. Handless headsets are preferred because it really
makes it challenging to figure out if you are talking to us or the
person on the phone. Make sure to call back later and ask us questions
about all the things we were trying to explain.
* When giving
information about your pet be as vague as possible. The doctor is
psychic and can communicate with your pet, so its really just a
formality anyway.
* Be sure to insist we follow your breeder's
recommendations. Especially about anesthesia and vaccines. Our
schooling and training really doesn't teach us much, so we appreciate
the guidance.
*Give medications as you see fit. We just put
instruction labels on them because the label printer is cool. We
understand that when the condition doesn't resolve it is our fault not
yours.
*Don't tell us all the other vets had to muzzle your
dog till after he/she tries to bite. Keeps our reflexes sharp. Besides,
its more of a challenge to muzzle a dog once he/she is all worked up.
*If your cat is hissing and upset, please put your hands and face as
close to his/her mouth as possible. He/she would never bite you. If a
bite did occur from your own stupidity, it is our fault anyway.
*Ignore the 'employees only' signs. Just wander around as you please.
Stick your hands in all the cages. If your child is wandering around, we
prefer him/her to be barefoot.
* If your pet is sick please
wait a minimum of three days before having him/her seen. Also, be sure
to exhaust all treatments available over the counter or at the pet store
before bringing him/her in to be examined. Oh, and ten minutes before
close on a Saturday is the perfect time to call and tell us you're
coming in.
* Always complain about the bill. We know our
prices are too high. In general, we tend to be greedy and don't care
about your animal.
*Feel free to agree verbally and in writing
to all fees, especially to the expensive ones. Then, after the
diagnostics/treatments are performed, and only then, inform us that you
have no actual money, but that you can pay us $10 a week until it is
paid off.
*Please be sure to let us know of all illnesses you
THINK your pet may have because you looked it up online. Then be sure
to dictate to us how your pet should be cared for.
We look
forward to caring for your pet. If you have any suggestions about what
we can do to make life easier for you and more difficult for us, please
do not hesitate to let us know.
**In early summer we will
generously vet all your injuries (physical & mental ones) when you
bring us a young (preferably imprinted) wild bird you saved from its
parents