|
|
Post by charbie94 on Apr 2, 2013 8:42:56 GMT
Hey, I need some advice relating to my beautiful cat.. Eva is 4, and this is her first time as an only cat in her life. She came from a litter for 3, and entered our family, being our first ever female and young companion to our two older cats, James (black) and Jerry (Black and white). While Jerry was unsure of Eva, James and her bonded rapidly, so when he died a year later of lung cancer, it was a huge shock to everyone. Eva was confused and upset, but Jerry came through for her, and the pair bonded quite silently, we believed he merely tolerated her. But his death at 15 in January was a devastating blow to the whole family, as there was no evidence of him being ill. Eva, now an only cat, appears to be very upset still, she recovered much faster when James died. We think it might be a combination of grief and loneliness. The vet had reassured us that she wouldn't noticed Jerry had died, he was clearly wrong, because she's only just stopped running around looking for him, she has become more obsessed about food, yowls whenever she's alone, gets very upset if you leave her but withdraws herself from contact. She very rarely allows you to cuddle her anymore, she prefers to know you're at home from a distance which is unlike her. Previously she had a been lively and playful, but always willing to cuddle and sleep on you for hours (unless toys were present!).It's really sad seeing the change in her, she now refuses to go outside, even when it is relatively warm, she used to spend the summer in the garden with the boys. We're not sure what treatment can be offered to a grieving cat truthfully, and would be grateful to know if anyone else has owned a cat which has suffered a great loss and reflects her symptoms. I suppose the next question is, do we get her a new companion? Thanks for the advice, it's really appreciated   __  |
|
|
|
Post by BorderTerrier on Apr 2, 2013 8:59:16 GMT
Hi, I know I'm a dog person but I think I may have some advice for you. It's up to you wheather you get her a new companion, because cats aren't free of costs and all. She probably would benefit for more social activity with the same species as her around the house. Have you tried to interact with her, or have you jut let her choose wheather she wants to come to you or not? Good luck. |
|
|
|
Post by charbie94 on Apr 2, 2013 9:09:55 GMT
Hey, thanks for your reply We do try to interact with her, every day, and while she does allow the odd cuddle, it doesn't last long and she struggles to get away. Our two other cats had been very big on cuddles, being carried and just sitting together. This is something we miss greatly, and find very upsetting when she doesn't want to, as previous to her companions' deaths, she loved being picked up and fussed over. I guess now, we tend to let her pick more when she's willing to be affectionate, as almost forcing it on her, drove her away to some extent. |
|
|
|
Post by BorderTerrier on Apr 2, 2013 9:42:32 GMT
I agree that forcing her to be affectionate will not help and is more likely to drive her away than make her come closer to you. How long has it been now since she lost her companion again? You haven't noticed her improving as time goes on have you, or does she always show the same behaviour? If your ok with the cost of another cat, an the feeding and vets costs that go with, I think that might just take her mind off her depression a bit. Do any other cats live round the neighbourhood for her to see when she pops out? Like I said before, another cat is most likely to give her a new friend to help her along |
|
|
|
Post by charbie94 on Apr 2, 2013 10:25:09 GMT
Jerry died at the beginning of January, so about 3 months ago. She has improved slowly on receiving and giving affection, however, a greater issue remains reluctance to go outside, and what seems to loneliness when she's left, she become increasing distressed, and these issues are getting worse. There are other cats living near by, but they are large maine coons, who are nearly 4 times the size of her! She watches them from our window, and while both are friendly, she doesn't appear to have any desire to get closer to them!  |
|
|
|
Post by tonib on Apr 2, 2013 11:55:31 GMT
Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear of the loss of Jerry. It is quite possible that Eva is till griefing/missing her companion. By that photo of her & Jerry on the windowsill/radiator it does look as they were very much part of a the same social group. I've got 4 cats & I'd love it if they would get part of the same group, which they most definitely aren't - they don't even get as close together as that picture of Eva & James. I think you've done the right thing but not forcing your attention on her & letting her choose her own pace. As to getting her a companion, it could work or it may not. Cats aren't like dogs (pack animals) as they don't need or in some cases even want to socialise. If you're prepared to cope with cats that don't socialise with each other & may need feeding/sleeping arrangements/playing with separately then that's not an issue. Others on the forum have successfully integrated their family of cats. Eva may not be going out in the garden due to other cats around which she may feel James & Jerry protected her from. On the other hand it is cold! Have you tried going out into the garden when you're sure the other cats aren't around, leaving the door open, pottering around & see if she comes out. If she does just let her go at her own pace & if she seems relatively happy, maybe play with her there, perhaps with a dangling toy/string (or whatever is her favourite) so she can keep her distance if she wants. Someone else may well have some better ideas as I've not experienced this personally. Good luck & keep us informed as to how she's doing. |
|
|
|
Post by charbie94 on Apr 2, 2013 12:25:39 GMT
I think you're right, she did like to be outside with the boys, as of yet, she's not been in the garden when we have been, although giving her the option, she prefers to watch from the door or a window. None of the other cats have entered out rear garden, as we've made it quite secure, but she probably did feel protected by the boys. Jerry was a cat much more for tolerating than loving his adopted siblings, and he didn't take kindly to the arrival of James, a whole decade before Eva, and again, told her each day who was boss. He looked out for her more than befriended her in that respect. So, we're quite experienced with cats who don't see quite eye to eye! Would a kitten benefit her more? Or an older cat? She's 4, so not old by any means, the boys were 12 and 10 when she arrived. Also, if we got her a companion, would a male one be best as she's used to male cats? Thank you so much for your support and advice |
|
|
|
Post by tonib on Apr 2, 2013 13:25:23 GMT
I can't really comment on the best age (or gender) for a companion for Eva. When we first got a 2nd cat the rescue suggested a male as we already had a female (aged 16) & we got a 3ish old male. When she died not too long after & we decided on another they suggested a female. We got one of each, originally for the same home, (making 3 cats) a nearly 9 year old female & a nearly 2 year old male! So when we finally got our 4th cat a year ago, by helping out someone who had to rehome some of her cats, we choose a 2.5 year old female. Not sure in this instance that gender made any difference to our then 8ish, 6 & 13 year olds - not even a year later! I've never had kittens so cant comment on how easy it is to integrate.
Hopefully others on the forum can provide more advice or have a word with your local rescue.
|
|
|
|
Post by littlekitty on Apr 2, 2013 20:10:52 GMT
So sorry for your loss. Poor Eva needs time to grieve too and to help her you can reassure her by gently talking to her and playing with her and spending time with her, if she will allow.Keep her routines such as feeding and grooming the same, try not to change her routine to much.Try to be happy while she is around as she will pick up on your sadness and make her anxious or depressed.
I would wait for a while before thinking about getting her a companion as she is unlikely
to welcome a stranger when she is still unsettled about the
loss. When you feel the time is right for you both perhaps you could arrange a visit to an animal shelter where you can take Eva and see if she is willing to accept other cats.
I hope you find a solution that is best for you all.
|
|
|
|
Post by cia on Apr 2, 2013 21:13:54 GMT
Sorry for your sad loss. I would only add - yes its quite possible shes grieving. I would say allow her sometime before you change the dinamics in the home - that way she will accept another when shes feeling a little more ready to receive a buddy. |
|
|
|
Post by charbie94 on Apr 3, 2013 8:05:39 GMT
Thank you everyone for your support and advice. We hadn't considered getting another kitten/cat at all, until friend's cat gave birth at the weekend. They suggested that Eva might benefit from a friend. The kittens wouldn't be ready until late May or early June. If Eva has shown improvements by then, I think we'd get one, but we are really unsure if it would be good for her. We don't know if she'll have recovered in by June, it would be 6 months later. Is it best to say we'll have one and hope for the best? Or to leave it, and not get her a friend?
|
|
|
|
Post by lotsofcats on Apr 3, 2013 8:43:49 GMT
So sorry for your sad loss. If it was me I would get another cat for company for Eva and I would choose another female as in my experience males try to take over and become number 1 cat. Eva is still grieving - it is hard for a cat to be on it's own after always having the company of other cats. It would be ideal for you to have one of your friends kittens as it gives you time to get used to the idea of another cat. You could visit the kitten and get a blanket with the kitten's scent on it and take it back to your house to see Eva's reaction to the smell of another cat - keep doing this and hopefully by the time to have the kitten she will be used to her smell. In the meantime have you tried Feliway? - it may help Eva.
|
|
|
|
Post by charbie94 on Apr 4, 2013 7:40:35 GMT
Thank you so much for all of your advice. We've had feliway in the past, I'm not sure how much difference it made at the time, we had 3 cats and Jerry remained determined not to like Eva (although, they did become best of friends!) I'm very sorry to hear about Dylan and Jesse. I think we will get Eva a kitten, and pray she likes him! The kitten is ginger, so we assume it's male, saying that, Eva is a ginger female so you never know! Thank you for all of your advice You've all been very supportive, and I now feel less like I'm betraying Jerry so soon after his death. We're visiting the kitten this weekend, he'll be a week old. |
|
|
|
Post by heartpawprints on Apr 9, 2013 17:29:40 GMT
I think first and foremore you need to deal with her grieving. I would suggest trying Feliway or CALMS food. I think a new companion will be ok but give it a little bit more time. I've found from volunteering at an animal refuge that the rehomers are very knowledgable so if you were considering getting a cat from a refuge they would be able to advise re: the timing and the age and gender of a cat. I'd hazard an opionion that a make cat may be a good option.
|
|
__
