How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb??
Sept 12, 2018 0:55:02 GMT
scallywag and lotsofcats like this
Post by tonib on Sept 12, 2018 0:55:02 GMT
(this is a merge of a number of sources) Enjoy
AFGHAN: Light bulb? What light bulb?
Akita: You, yes, you there with the opposable thumbs, excuse me, but it is unusually dark in here, and I require it light. Do something about it immediately.
AMERICAN BULLDOG: One. JUMP, remove bulb, land. JUMP, replace bulb, land. Two: What light bulb, So? We can play in the dark.
Amstaff: Bounce! Take out old bulb. Bounce! Put in new bulb. Bounce! Hit light switch to check new bulb. Bounce! It works! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce!
AUSTRALIAN SHEPHERD: One, but just try to convince him that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.
Alternatively:- First I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little circle….
Australian Terriers: Two. One to stand on the floor, the second to jump on top of the first, the first on top of the second, the second on top, of the first, until they reach the ceiling, so they can change the light bulb.
Basset Hound: If it isn't edible why bother?
BEAGLE: How many cookies do I get?
Alternatively:- They don’t bother because it's more comfortable to sleep in the dark.
BORDER COLLIE: Just one. And he'll rewire the house while he's at it.
Alternatively:- None. They just stare at it until it glows again.
BOXER: Why change it? I can still play with my squeaky toy in the dark...
BULLDOG: Just one. But it takes them three years to do it.
Cavalier King Charles Spaniel: None, 'cause they're so cute they light up the room. And anyway, they couldn't be bothered to get off your lap!
CHIHUAHUA: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
COCKER SPANIEL: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
CORGI: I can't reach the stupid lamp!
DACHSHUND: Well, first get me a ladder and a treat...... no, you took too long. I want TWO treats and I'll do it......... No, not that treat, the other kind. Geez.......... do I have to do everything? (of course, followed by "the look".)
Alternatively :-You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp
DALMATIAN: Just one, but it will really hate the new bulb.
DOBERMAN: Immediately decides to change the brand of light bulb and find a more efficient form of lighting -- perhaps a fluorescent bulb.
Alternatively:- While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Alternatively:- Well, just one, but be prepared to come home to find the house completely rewired and the furniture probably rearranged to boot!
GERMAN SHEPHERD: I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven’t missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
Alternatively:- I'll guard the light bulb while you decide. Back off!
GOLDEN RETRIEVER: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
GOOD OL' SOUTHERN HOUND DOG: Huh?
GREYHOUND: Why change it? The darker it is, the longer I can sleep on the couch.
Alternatively:- It isn’t moving, who cares?
JACK RUSSELL TERRIER: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture...
Alternatively:- Two, but the job never gets done - they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done!
IRISH SETTER: So, can someone else do this? I've got this hangover...
(Above also used for Irish Wolfhound)
Alternatively:- None. Irish Setters are lit up all the time so there's no need for light bulbs.
1. Burned out light bulb? Oh that is sooo funny! Sure. Lets all go change the bulb. How do you tell which one is burned out? Somebody bring the balloons!
2. At least two to drag the trampoline over to the light fixture.
3. Would need a German Shepherd dog to remember why they were there.
KELPIE: "I'll be glad to change the light bulb for you, but first can't we play catch with the tennis ball, or Frisbee -- and then I want to lick your face and rest my head in your lap and look up at you with my adoring eyes. What, you're changing the light bulb yourself -- you didn't have to do that -- but I looooove you so much for being my friend and doing that."
Kerry Blue: I'll get that bulb outta there - hey! you want the fixture too? Wait a minute - lets get these wire thingies out while we're at it - I'll be with you in a minute . . . .
LABRADOR RETRIEVER: Oh, me, ME!!! Pleeeeeeze let ME change the bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeze, it's awful cute and I can tell it likes me. Can I?
MALAMUTE: Let the Border Collie do it. You can pet me while he's busy.
Alternatively:- Let the border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
MASTIFF: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Old English Sheepdog:- Light bulb? I’m sorry but I don’t see a light bulb
Papillons: One to change the bulb, eight to cheer him on.
PIT BULL TERRIER: Jump and take hold of old light bulb. Now, let go of old light bulb........ I said let go of the light bulb! Let go of the light bulb! LET GO OF THE LIGHT BULB!!!!!!
Pointer:- I see it, there it is, there it is, right there…
POMERANIANS don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a German Shepherd in to do the job for them while they're out.
POODLE: Well, I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear, and by the time he's done that and finished rewiring the house my nails will be dry...
Alternatively:-
1. Maybe they are the ones with the trampoline.
2. But they would be arguing over who got to hold the bulb.
PUG: Er, two. Or maybe one. No -- on second thought, make that two. Is that OK with you?
ROTTWEILER: I'll change the light bulb if I can eat the old one.
Alternatively:- Go ahead! Make me!
Alternatively:- Just one. You want to make something of it?
SCHIPPERKE: It's your light bulb -- change it yourself. Unless..... Is there food involved??
Scottish Terrier: 48 'cause they're so short so they have to pile a whole bunch one on top of the other to get up to the ceiling, *unless* they can persuade you to get the ladder out of the garage by biting yer ankles!
Shiba Inu: Won't change the light bulb and won't let anyone else change it either.
SHIH-TSU: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants...
SPRINGER: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
STANDARD POODLE: None. Go get human, sit under it, look up and point it out -- then go lie down in disgust that it took so long.
TIBETAN TERRIER:
Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy!
WEIMARANER: What?? Light bulb? You want ME to change a LIGHT BULB?
WOLFDOG: Let me see that light bulb, anyway. What's it made of, what's inside of it, what will happen if I drop it. I might change it, but let me think about it. You're not trying to tell me what to do, are you? Hey, I just had a great idea. I think I'll change that light bulb!
CAT: Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?
Alternatively:- Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the question is: How long will it be before I can expect light?
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF...
Alternatively:- I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.
AFGHAN: Light bulb? What light bulb?
Akita: You, yes, you there with the opposable thumbs, excuse me, but it is unusually dark in here, and I require it light. Do something about it immediately.
AMERICAN BULLDOG: One. JUMP, remove bulb, land. JUMP, replace bulb, land. Two: What light bulb, So? We can play in the dark.
Amstaff: Bounce! Take out old bulb. Bounce! Put in new bulb. Bounce! Hit light switch to check new bulb. Bounce! It works! Bounce! Bounce! Bounce!
AUSTRALIAN SHEPHERD: One, but just try to convince him that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.
Alternatively:- First I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little circle….
Australian Terriers: Two. One to stand on the floor, the second to jump on top of the first, the first on top of the second, the second on top, of the first, until they reach the ceiling, so they can change the light bulb.
Basset Hound: If it isn't edible why bother?
BEAGLE: How many cookies do I get?
Alternatively:- They don’t bother because it's more comfortable to sleep in the dark.
BORDER COLLIE: Just one. And he'll rewire the house while he's at it.
Alternatively:- None. They just stare at it until it glows again.
BOXER: Why change it? I can still play with my squeaky toy in the dark...
BULLDOG: Just one. But it takes them three years to do it.
Cavalier King Charles Spaniel: None, 'cause they're so cute they light up the room. And anyway, they couldn't be bothered to get off your lap!
CHIHUAHUA: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
COCKER SPANIEL: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
CORGI: I can't reach the stupid lamp!
DACHSHUND: Well, first get me a ladder and a treat...... no, you took too long. I want TWO treats and I'll do it......... No, not that treat, the other kind. Geez.......... do I have to do everything? (of course, followed by "the look".)
Alternatively :-You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp
DALMATIAN: Just one, but it will really hate the new bulb.
DOBERMAN: Immediately decides to change the brand of light bulb and find a more efficient form of lighting -- perhaps a fluorescent bulb.
Alternatively:- While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Alternatively:- Well, just one, but be prepared to come home to find the house completely rewired and the furniture probably rearranged to boot!
GERMAN SHEPHERD: I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven’t missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
Alternatively:- I'll guard the light bulb while you decide. Back off!
GOLDEN RETRIEVER: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
GOOD OL' SOUTHERN HOUND DOG: Huh?
GREYHOUND: Why change it? The darker it is, the longer I can sleep on the couch.
Alternatively:- It isn’t moving, who cares?
JACK RUSSELL TERRIER: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture...
Alternatively:- Two, but the job never gets done - they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done!
IRISH SETTER: So, can someone else do this? I've got this hangover...
(Above also used for Irish Wolfhound)
Alternatively:- None. Irish Setters are lit up all the time so there's no need for light bulbs.
1. Burned out light bulb? Oh that is sooo funny! Sure. Lets all go change the bulb. How do you tell which one is burned out? Somebody bring the balloons!
2. At least two to drag the trampoline over to the light fixture.
3. Would need a German Shepherd dog to remember why they were there.
KELPIE: "I'll be glad to change the light bulb for you, but first can't we play catch with the tennis ball, or Frisbee -- and then I want to lick your face and rest my head in your lap and look up at you with my adoring eyes. What, you're changing the light bulb yourself -- you didn't have to do that -- but I looooove you so much for being my friend and doing that."
Kerry Blue: I'll get that bulb outta there - hey! you want the fixture too? Wait a minute - lets get these wire thingies out while we're at it - I'll be with you in a minute . . . .
LABRADOR RETRIEVER: Oh, me, ME!!! Pleeeeeeze let ME change the bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeze, it's awful cute and I can tell it likes me. Can I?
MALAMUTE: Let the Border Collie do it. You can pet me while he's busy.
Alternatively:- Let the border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
MASTIFF: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Old English Sheepdog:- Light bulb? I’m sorry but I don’t see a light bulb
Papillons: One to change the bulb, eight to cheer him on.
PIT BULL TERRIER: Jump and take hold of old light bulb. Now, let go of old light bulb........ I said let go of the light bulb! Let go of the light bulb! LET GO OF THE LIGHT BULB!!!!!!
Pointer:- I see it, there it is, there it is, right there…
POMERANIANS don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a German Shepherd in to do the job for them while they're out.
POODLE: Well, I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear, and by the time he's done that and finished rewiring the house my nails will be dry...
Alternatively:-
1. Maybe they are the ones with the trampoline.
2. But they would be arguing over who got to hold the bulb.
PUG: Er, two. Or maybe one. No -- on second thought, make that two. Is that OK with you?
ROTTWEILER: I'll change the light bulb if I can eat the old one.
Alternatively:- Go ahead! Make me!
Alternatively:- Just one. You want to make something of it?
SCHIPPERKE: It's your light bulb -- change it yourself. Unless..... Is there food involved??
Scottish Terrier: 48 'cause they're so short so they have to pile a whole bunch one on top of the other to get up to the ceiling, *unless* they can persuade you to get the ladder out of the garage by biting yer ankles!
Shiba Inu: Won't change the light bulb and won't let anyone else change it either.
SHIH-TSU: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants...
SPRINGER: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
STANDARD POODLE: None. Go get human, sit under it, look up and point it out -- then go lie down in disgust that it took so long.
TIBETAN TERRIER:
Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy!
WEIMARANER: What?? Light bulb? You want ME to change a LIGHT BULB?
WOLFDOG: Let me see that light bulb, anyway. What's it made of, what's inside of it, what will happen if I drop it. I might change it, but let me think about it. You're not trying to tell me what to do, are you? Hey, I just had a great idea. I think I'll change that light bulb!
CAT: Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?
Alternatively:- Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the question is: How long will it be before I can expect light?
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF...
Alternatively:- I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.