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Post by markymark73 on Aug 23, 2016 12:18:51 GMT
I think what I'm after today is some words of comfort. Sadly, we had to have our ten year old cat, Casper, put to sleep last Thursday. Both my partner and I are devastated. it has come as such a shock to us because apart from loving him SO much, it was so quick. He went from having a high temperature, to having breathing difficulties. Once X rayed, four vets informed us of many tumours which were causing him all sorts of problems and although they tried to make him more comfortable, he showed no signs of improvement at all. We both stayed with him at the end, something that we are both glad we did. My reason for writing today is to hopefully get some reassurance for my other beautiful cat, Olive. She's coming up to eight years old next birthday and is a completely different cat to Casper. Whereas Casper was definitely a Jekyl and Hyde cat (spelt incorrectly!) Olive is a VERY timid little thing who is scared of the slightest noise. She is very loving towards my partner and I, but hates other people and new situations. Now they didn't really have much of a relationship together. Casper always went out the front and off he would go and Olive tends to loiter around the back garden and occasionally ventures into neighbouring gardens. When Casper came home, she would bump noses, sniff those parts that shouldn't be sniffed 😀 And then they'd go their separate ways again. Since he has been gone, she did go through a stage of looking at the window where he comes in, or the settee where he used to lie, but seems to be doing her normal routine. She is still eating her dry and wet food, still sleeps under the bed settee for ridiculous amounts of hours and then goes out and about for three or four hours in the evening. The cat flap is open all day so she can come and go, should she want to; she never seems to want to. I am sat here now at 1:11pm and I haven't seen her since 6am this morning...she just seems to like to sleep! My partner and I, to be honest, are certainly not wanting to go out and get a 'replacement' for Casper. In our eyes, he is irreplaceable. I just wondered if anyone can offer support or advice, based on what I have said, as to whether they think little Olive will adjust to life where she is the only cat. I was sort of wondering whether she might become a little more adventurous in her personality. Casper was never particularly mean to her, lol, but would on occasions chase her and try and give her a nip. (she did wind him up an awful lot!) I appreciate anyone's comments on my long post. I never thought losing my beloved cat would be so heartbreaking. I am the stage now where I have accepted he isn't coming back, but it's still horrible. I had a gorgeous dream last night that I was lying on the sofa and he appeared and jumped up on me. We had a lovely cuddle....X
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Post by scallywag on Aug 23, 2016 13:16:11 GMT
Hi markymark73 I am so sorry to hear of your loss. As you can see from my avatar I am from the other side, but from what I have been reading on here now for the past 3 1/2 years I would think that if Olive is not showing any signs of missing Casper, and you and your partner don't want to rush out for a new cat, then I would leave it as it is and play it by ear, monitor Olive. As for her might becoming a little more adventurous, maybe she will, but again I wouldn't worry, biggest worry would then be when she doesn't come home on time Anyways I am sure all the regular cat owners will be along soon to advise, won't you Out of pain and young again R.I.P Casper - With the Angels now
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Post by lotsofcats on Aug 23, 2016 13:22:39 GMT
I'm so sorry for the loss of your cat Casper, how awful for you and your partner as it was so sudden. It is heart-breaking to lose a beloved pet, you still look for them everywhere. Seems as if Olive is missing Casper too. To me your dream means that Casper was saying goodbye to you, but that's just the way I think. I had a stray cat years ago that I used to feed and he came back after disappearing for a few days and was obviously very sick so I made a vets appointment (knowing he would be pts) for him but he had gone again when I went to get him. I never saw him again and I suspect he went off to die. A few days later I had a dream about him where he came to me and rubbed his face against me and it was so real.
You may think some time in the future that Olive would like a friend and it won't be a betrayal to your memory of Casper - you will know when the time comes if that's what you want to do. Enjoy your memories of your beloved Casper. Most of us on the forum have been through a similar experience and I know that it does help to share with others what you are going through so we don't mind how much you want to tell us about it. Make a big fuss of Olive and take each day as it comes.
R.I.P. Casper
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Post by markymark73 on Aug 23, 2016 17:59:29 GMT
Thank you so much for your kind words...they mean so much. I know that time will help and I am already smiling at the thought of Casper, instead of crying all the time. As for Olive, I'm sure she'll also be ok. I've been out and bought some new toys today and some feliway, just in case! The reason why we decided not to have another cat at some point is that after we got Casper and Olive, we knew that we would be totally committed to them. So much so, we haven't been on holiday or anything for ten years lol because I can't bare/bear the thought of leaving them for a week or two weeks whilst we go off and enjoy ourselves. I am a complete stress head when it comes to the cats and I do know that I worry too much about them. As my mum says, 'yes we know you love them, but they will survive whilst you're on holiday." Sadly, I can't put them in a cattery...I just can't lol and Olive is so scared of any other human beings that I know that her stress levels would reach epic proportions if a stranger was in the house, she's just always been like that....strange....but gorgeous. Whilst we are both happy not to go on holiday for the entirety of their lives, we always said that once their time was up, we would then spend a few years on going on holiday ourselves. At some point in the future, probably when I retire from teaching, we will prob end up with a little rescue dog. I hope it doesn't sound selfish, not wanting to have another cat to keep Olive company. For the last seven years, she petty much keeps herself to herself. She wakes up every morning at 5:23am by flicking the front door mat lol and then goes out the back for a couple of hours. She then retires to her bed for most of the day, before making an appearance about 6 in the evening whe she totters about outside till 10 or 11 pm. She's never had a fight with another cat and is no trouble. She doesn't sit on my lap or seek out cuddles, but is happy to have a cuddle if I go and find her. Now that Casper is gone, I'm suddenly feeling over protective of her, even though she hasn't really acted too differently. Her and Casper never groomed each other, never lay together, it was literally the odd nose to nose contact and bottom sniffing that went on. I need to relax and just let her get on with it. I feel sad at the thought of leaving her in the house 'all alone' even though she was always 'alone' even when Casper was here. He spent most of the day out and about, sleeping in bushes or on the settee. It's not like she went anywhere with him.... So many things going on in my head....but I know that it will sort itself out.... Sorry to keep spouting, but it really does help X 😺
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Post by scallywag on Aug 23, 2016 19:55:02 GMT
markymark73 you keep spouting away , we listen, we are all here for each other new or old members cat or dog owners what you are dealing with in your thoughts is quite normal, and if it isn't then I am not Normal ( now there's a thought ) Anyways chat away, join in on all the threads welcome to the forum. Don't forget there are 2 other boards apart from the CAT one Is that Casper on your avatar ?
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Post by markymark73 on Aug 23, 2016 20:06:04 GMT
Yes, that's Casper... At the moment I'm trying not to look too much at his photos, even though I know crying will actually help make me grieve. olive, is doing what she would normally do at this time of night. She does laps of the house....goes out the back door, sits staring at the shed in case a mouse makes a careless move, and then goes round to the front of the house and through the open window in the kitchen. I bought a new feather-on-a-stick toy which we have played with for a good half hour which she loved so I'm going to stock up on them to keep her mind extra occupied. I know she'll be fine, as will we. I know there are two young cats across the road...perhaps she will make friends with them lol. There used to be another cat who she liked but sadly he went missing a couple of years ago...he was only very young; so sad :-( anyway, onwards and upwards...we are going to get Casper's ashes on Thursday. I've never thought of myself as someone who would have wanted a pet's ashes, but now he's gone onto greater things, I am really wanting them to be here at home. :-) we've got a gorgeous little sleeping cat casket to put him in which will have pride of place near to where he used to sleep... Oh gosh....it's so sad!!!! This is a great forum. It can really feel like you are the only person in pain when something like this happens...but talking to other people in the same situation has really helped. Thank you x
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Post by scallywag on Aug 23, 2016 20:09:11 GMT
I have 2 lovely caskets on my bedside shelf, one is going with my O.H and two ( assuming I out live Beau ) will be going with me poor buggers, never get rid of me LOL x
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Post by cazypops on Aug 23, 2016 20:14:20 GMT
markymark73 I'm so sorry for your loss, it's always the hardest thing we have to do but it was the kindest, and I think he came back in your dream to say thank you. Casper and Olive sound just like our two. Flirty is out all day, and night only coming back in for something to eat, and Bandit is a home bird only going in the garden and the garage for a sleep. It's also a case of I'll sniff you but if you come within paws length of me you'll get it. (Bandit) I think that Olive will be just fine. Like our Bandit, she puts up with Flirty, and Jasper (our dog) but deep down I think she prefer it if she was the only animal in the house. RIP Casper {{HUGS}}
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Post by markymark73 on Aug 23, 2016 20:27:37 GMT
Those messages made me smile which is exactly what I need at the minute X I think I'm the one with the problem, not Olive! For some reason, I've got it into my head that she's suddenly desperately lonely. At the end of the day, they were rarely, if ever, together. I was in all day today and she literally spent the entire day doing what she always does...asleep under the bed settee on her own. Just the way she is I suppose. Going to try put a pic of her. She is incredibly cute which is why I worry so much. If she was some bruiser of a tomcat perhaps it would be easier lol X right am going to watch the jungle book 3D X thanks once again...am going to be a regular on here. It's so good to talk.
this is now olive n the pic on my avatar....
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Post by tonib on Aug 24, 2016 13:49:19 GMT
Hi markymark73 welcome to the forum, hope you enjoy it here. I'm Toni with 3 rescue cats aged between 12 (ish) & 7. If you need any help with the forum don't hesitate to ask, we all were new here once. So sorry to hear about your Casper. As to getting (or not) another cat. Olive may be happier & more forth coming as an only cat or she may want more feline company. Its difficult to tell but I wouldn't make a decision straight away. We have added a cat to an existing cat with no problems, but the last one wasn't our best choice, as far as the other cats (one in particular) are concerned. Basically we have a number of cats living in the same home but not as a social group but the latest one wants to be part of a group (ossibly due to her background) whilst the others don't. It sounds a bit as if Casper & Olive were similar, not a social group. We do use a cattery for our holidays & whilst I understand you concerns for Olive, 2 of our cats are not happy with strangers in the home they usually vacate the premises, they are not upset by the cattery or at least are looking well & no signs of trouble when we bring them back. Its a case of finding a good cattery that's right for your cat. As ours go out the cattery we chose has reasonable size, secure outdoor runs, as well as the indoor room for each cat. It sounds like you've got a lovely memorial to Casper for when he comes home. Our Chloe'ashes are im the garden with a buddleia (her favourite clawing plant) planted over her & shortly we will have our Penny's ashes in the garden with a lilac tree over her. they both loved chasing butterfiles & moths (even though they never met) and it seems appropriate that they should help plants grow that attract them RIP Casper Gone too soon but never forgotten well again & playing with new friends at Rainbow Bridge
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Post by markymark73 on Aug 28, 2016 18:28:40 GMT
Sorry that I've not been back on since the loss of Casper...both my partner and I have been coming to terms with it and trying to work through 'getting back to normal' . It's so bizarre. Even though Casper basically used the house to go to sleep in, the house seems to have changed dramatically. Just seeing him asleep on the settee or sitting by the window: we miss him so much. However, we have both comes to terms with our sad loss and now spend time talking about the happiness that he brought to us in the ten years that we had him. As for little Olive...I think she's ok. She's such a timid cat by nature. Even the sound of someone new breathing quietly ten miles away would have her running for her hiding spot underneath the bed. We have noticed that since Casper's passing, she has started jumping up,on the settee late at night for a cuddle, something which she has never done in eight years. She's also started venturing out of the front window more where Casper used to go. Whilst there will never be a positive outcome for losing Casper, I just hope that in terms of cat behaviour, maybe Olive will feel more confident in and around the house. Casper didn't really ever hurt Olive, but he did chase her about if he felt in a bit of a mood himself. :-)) She has got a large cat tree in 'her bedroom' upstairs which she sleeps on all the time. We've just bought her another one to put in the lounge in the hope that she will perhaps doze away with us during the evening instead of taking herself away upstairs, by herself.... Ah bless. In terms of getting another cat, we are definitely going to let everything settle down now and let her have the house all to herself. Being such a timid little thing, she might just enjoy having the run of the place. She can always go outside in the day via the cat flap and is certainly not restricted to the house. I only wish she would be a little more adventurous...she literally doesn't go further than the bottom of the garden. Just the way she is, I suppose. At least we know she's safe.
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Post by tonib on Aug 28, 2016 21:16:43 GMT
Glad to hear you're coming to terms with the loss of your much loved Casper markymark73. They really do make themselves part not just of your lives but of your surroundings. I still keep expecting to see our Penny (went to Rainbow Bridge in March) in some her favourite places. By the sound of it it does sound as Olive is blooming a bit more. Although a couple of our cats wander further afield than Olive I'd be quite happy if they stayed closer to home. thank you for the update & hopefully you'll still come on here, even occasionally, & let us know how everything is going, don't hesitate to join in in any conversation
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Post by markymark73 on Aug 28, 2016 21:22:01 GMT
Thanks :-) I will do. Back to work on Thursday...end of the summer holidays. It hasn't been a great summer to be honest. Before Casper, I had a two-week abscess on my tooth....unimaginable pain I can tell you. I'm off to bed now to have a read and a sit with Olive... Will def join in with other conversations.... 🐈
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